why am i unhappy in my life
I always get mails from people who tell me that they are not that happy with their lives. After a small talk with any of them I realize that the main reason those people are unhappy are the incorrect choices they make in their lives.
Of course there are some external factors that we can’t control and that can make us unhappy but there are also lots of choices that we make everyday that can either make us happier or completely unhappy.
What do you really hate?
Do you really know about the things you hate? You might believe that you are completely aware of the things that you dislike but the truth is that you got used to lots of things that you hate to the extent that you don’t notice their presence anymore.
In my book, The ultimate guide to getting over depression I talked about a very dangerous concept which is getting used to pain to the extent that you don’t notice its presence anymore.
Some people hate their jobs yet never move to other ones because of fear. Some people do things that they hate everyday yet they never try to change them because they got used to them. Some people live with abusive partners because they fear to live on their own.
If you thought about the things that you dislike in your life you will find that you are doing lots of them without noticing and that they became a routine part of your life. You won’t be happy before you stop doing these things or at least reduce your exposure to them.
Happiness and irritation
Contrary to common beliefs you don’t need to make major changes in your life in order to become happy but even the slightest changes can have a dramatic impact on your mood and happiness levels.
Sometimes we start the day feeling good then as soon as few small irritating events happen we feel bad. If you had a small fight with one of your friends or felt stressed because of not meeting a deadline then your happiness levels might drop for the whole day even though no major problems happened in your life.
Some people are unhappy with their lives because their life style lets them experience these daily irritating events all the time.
In order to become really happy you must focus on avoiding small irritating events just as you focus on avoiding bigger ones.
Happiness and unmet needs
Some people are unhappy with their lives because they have unmet needs that they didn’t yet fulfill. Of course we all have unmet needs but some people ignore these needs and act as if they are not there.
Those people are the ones who feel unhappy the most because as soon as they remember any of their unmet needs they feel sad.
Unmet needs can be in the form of a goal that you didn’t yet reach or something that you wanted that you didn’t mange to get yet.
Some people try to forget about their unmet needs by using addiction and temporary pain killers but as soon as the effect of their defense mechanisms fade they feel unhappy again.
Written by M.Farouk Radwan, MSc.