Dealing with frustration
Suppose that you wanted to take a day off in order to join a camping trip with your friends but your boss refused and forced you to work that day. In this situation, you will experience the feeling of frustration which is the feeling you get when something prevents you from reaching a goal.
Frustration is the result of finding an obstacle that stops you from doing what you intended to do. You can also feel frustrated and stressed when you have loads of work to do given that you don’t have enough time to finish it. for example Students who start studying few days before the exam always experience frustration and stress. Type A personalities are among the most people who experience stress and frustration as a result of their life style.
Frustration and Depression
Short term bursts of frustration are unlikely to have a long term effect on you but what if something blocked the path to your long term plans?
In this case, the prolonged frustration may turn into depression. In my book, The ultimate guide to getting over depression i explained how long term frustration can be One of the reasons that cause depression. When someone wants to achieve a certain goal but fails to do it for a long period of time he might end up depressed.
Frustration and Aggression
Aggression can be a result of frustration. If your boss forced you to work on your vacation you may find yourself dealing aggressively with your colleagues or you may act with aggression towards your kids that day.
Because you can’t shout at your boss your aggression remains until you dump it somewhere else.
Frustration and breakups
In this case the person thinks that the only way to recover is to bring back his old lover and so he stays frustrated. This frustration is then turned into depression and the person gets stuck in this stage. Getting over such a problem is very simple, learn how to deal with these false beliefs and you will break the whole cycle of false beliefs-frustration-depression.
Dealing with Frustration
The less flexible you are the more will you get frustrated That’s why stubborn people are more subject to frustration.
It’s your inability to let go of things that increases your frustration. I am not asking you to let go of your goals but I am asking you to look for the right path.
Instead of feeling frustrated try to look for another way to achieve your same goal. Be like water and take the shape of whatever container you find yourself in. Frustration is sometimes a consequence of thinking that there is only one possible way to do something and this is the complete opposite of flexibility.
Never become angry at people who never annoyed you but instead learn how to channel your frustration properly by understanding the main reasons behind it.
Flexibility in life
have you ever noticed how a fly tries to get out of a window?
if you stopped and tried to notice how the fly acts for one minute you will find the following. It will attempt to get out of the window thinking that the glass does not exist and so it will hit it. Unfortunately after the first hit the fly won’t be flexible and will try to get out again out of the same place where it got hit before!!
The fly might remain inflexible for the next 10 minutes by insisting to solve the problem using the same way that didn’t work while few inches away there may be a real opening where it can escape from!!.
How to be flexible in life?
Seems like a dumb fly right?
well if you think so then don’t hate me for telling you that you might be doing the exact thing without noticing.
Here are some examples that show you how we sometimes act without any flexibility in life:
Lack of flexibility in daily life: A girl was planning to hang out with her friends so she decided that she will wear the red top and the red shoes. The next morning she woke up and while putting on her clothes she didn’t manage to find her left shoe so she kept searching for it for half an hour but she didn’t find it.
she then became really nervous and irritated because time was running out. 15 minutes later she found that time ran out and so she decided to stay at home feeling disappointed.
The mistake the girl did was that she didn’t think in a flexible way. Her goal was to hang out but they forget about it and focused on another unimportant goal which is finding a certain shoe. Had this girl been flexible she would have wore anything else just not to be late.
- Lack of flexibility at work: you found a problem with your internet connection and you kept trying to connect many times until time ran out and you didn’t complete your work. Had you been flexible you could have used a dial up connection or even went to any public place where you can access the internet
- Lack of flexibility in you career: Some people refuse to make a career change although they cant perform well at their current one. Had those people been flexible they would have not forgotten that their goal was getting a high pay with disregard to the job
- Lack of flexibility in sales: A sales man who tries to convince you to buy something by repeating the same point over and over lacks flexibility. If he had flexibility he would have realized that his goal is to sell and not to convince you with one of his arguments
How to be flexible
From the previous examples i guess you have found that most of us act like flies to a certain extent !
If you want to be flexible in life then put in mind that if something didn’t work then you have to change your approach and try a different method.
Flexibility is one of the very important skills that every goal oriented person should have, lack of flexibility in life may prevent you from succeeding and may even result in failure in achieving your life goals.
Why do people sometimes become Aggressive?
I am sure that you have went through at least one situation in your life where you have found yourself being excessively aggressive then felt guilty for it later.
I am also sure that you met some people who always seem to be aggressive whatever the situation is. Why are those people always aggressive and why do you sometimes become aggressive too?
Frustration Aggression Theory
The frustration aggression theory states that aggression is caused by frustration. When someone is prevented from reaching his target he becomes frustrated. This frustration can then turn into aggression when something triggers it.
For example, if you failed in your final exam you will definitely become frustrated But What if someone you barley know told you “You are such a loser not to pass that exam”. In this case, your stored frustration will surely turn into aggression. Note that the frustration aggression theory does not provide explanation to all types of aggression but it rather focuses on aggression that results from not being able to reach your goals.
Aggressive people need special treatment
If you found someone acting in an aggressive manner know that behind this aggression is some kind of frustration, your goal should be allowing that person to release his feelings of frustration in a constructive way.
Confronting him with the main causes of his aggression may sometimes be a good solution but it can also be dangerous with overly aggressive people. Your focus should be on letting him dump his feelings without being aggressive.
Aggression Frustration and Success
You may have now concluded why some people who have type A personality become aggressive. They are aggressive because they are frustrated as they didn’t attain their goals yet.
Working for longer periods of time and working on holidays are clear signs of frustration that results from unmet goals. This is not a bad thing at all but on the contrary it’s a healthy way to release the frustration. It’s much better than becoming aggrieved and short tempered person.
Frustration and Depression
If frustration was not properly vented it may turn into depression. Suppose that you wanted to become rich but you couldn’t find a job. If you didn’t find a way to let go of your frustration the suppressed emotions may turn into depression.
In my book, The ultimate guide to getting over depression i explained how long term frustration can be One of the reasons that cause depression. When someone wants to achieve a certain goal but fails to do it for a long period of time he might end up depressed.
Also people who are not assertive always feel frustrated due to the daily violation of their rights they experience which may also result in depression. The bottom line is to find a way to get rid of your frustration so that it doesn’t turn it into depression.
Frustration and breakups
One of the main reasons people fail to recover from breakups are the feelings of frustration.
If you believed that the only way to feel good is to restore your relationship then you will end up frustrated. This frustration is then turned into depression and the person gets stuck in this stage. Learn how to deal with these limiting beliefs and you will break the whole cycle of false beliefs-frustration-depression.