Are you haunted by a bad habit
Do you have a habit that has been haunting you since years?
Do you suffer from an inner-self conflict because you were unable to quit that habit?
Do you feel pain each time you repeat doing that habit again?
Have you tried every possible method to quit smoking or over-eating but yet failed?
Do you think that you can’t resist the bad habit?
How to break your bad habits
Most of us have suffered from a certain habit through our lives, whether this habit was lying , letting go of our rights, wasting time, over eating, smoking, internet addiction or even drug abuse.
We have all done our best to stop it, we have all felt the pain of the emotions that arises from doing what we don’t want to do, but yet, very few of us have succeeded, do you know why?
Because we have never thought of the following:
If you think that you can break a habit using will-power only, then you are wrong.
Here’s the story of Sam, an iron-willed guy who decided to quit smoking. The first day passed, the second day passed and still he resisted the urge to smoke a cigarette. He started to feel happy and confident.
Time passed, until one day, he had a car accident. Fortunately, he wasn’t hurt, but the damage to his car cost him $200. On that day, Sam returned back to smoking…
Will-power is not constant
But why? … Wasn’t Sam iron-willed? … Yes he was, but his will-power was not constant. It changes with time, it changes with life circumstances and it changes with the ups and downs in our lives.
When you are happy, your will-power becomes strong, but when you get disappointed it decreases and becomes weak. When you’re at the top of your achievements your will-power may be an iron one, but when you hit the bottom, your will-power gets down to the minimum level.
So, returning to Sam, what could he have done? Not that hard to guess. He should have taken the decision to quit smoking on a very bad day. He should have chosen a day where his will-power was at its bottom instead of choosing one of the best days in his life to start quitting. If he succeeded to quit while being at his lowest level of will-power, then any other day would be much easier for him because his will-power will be much stronger.
Bad habits and external dependency
Sam tried to run away from his problems by smoking, he didn’t want to face his real feelings and he just ran away. He ran away to cigarettes because he couldn’t stand it by himself. Sam had an external dependency. He depended on smoking to lift his mood.
You too must know if you have any kind of external dependency that is preventing you from breaking your habit. Don’t run away, if you want to escape, then go ahead, but escape forward instead of backwards.
Bad habits and false beliefs
Unfortunately, the end of the story was much worse. Sam started to think that he was weak; he couldn’t quit and started to look back at his history with this habit and he found that he failed to quit smoking more than ten times so he just gave up trying again. He gave up because he had built a false belief. A belief that is composed of two words: “I can’t”. Who knows, maybe if he had tried just another time, it would have been the successful try.
Even after breakups, the main reason some people fail to recover for years is that they have false beliefs associated with breakups.
Bad habits and will-power misuse
Another factor is will-power misuse. Will-power should be channeled to the correct destination instead of being wasted somewhere else. Will-power misuse is like trying to break through a wall instead of opening the door using the knob. An example of will power misuse is when you suddenly become very enthusiastic then run to do a certain task until you get bored. To channel your will-power correctly, write down a plan when you are enthusiastic instead of quitting a habit for three days then returning back from where you started.
Bad habits and learned helplessness
When you were born you didn’t know how to become helpless, but as you progressed through life and as you experienced a failure after a failure, you learned a new skill, the skill of becoming helpless!!!
Learned helplessness concept was proven by laboratory experiment made on dogs, it was proven that someone could learn how to become helpless towards doing a task or breaking a habit by just failing to do the task many times. The good news is that as soon as you learn how to become helpless by practicing helplessness, you could unlearn this acquired skill by not practicing it. If you felt for a moment that there is no hope in quitting this habit just say “NOO, I wont fall a prey to learned helplessness, I wasn’t born helpless”.
Breaking habits and inner-self conflict
Sometimes you might not be able to break a habit because a part of you wants it. Yes, you may want to stop smoking because of the health risks associated with smoking but on the other hand another part of you wants you to smoke in order to enjoy the cigarette. In this case ignoring the need of one of your parts will result in suppressed emotions and unmet needs which will in turn lead to feeling uncomfortable and so you will eventually return back to the bad habit.
In this case you need a method to resolve this inner conflict. There is a an NLP technique that was specially designed for resolving inner conflicts which is called Parts Integration Technique.
Bad habits and trying something new
Finally, if you haven’t tried anything addictive yet, then don’t. Never try it. Lots of people imagine that trying everything provides them with necessary experience, but they’re just doing that in order to compensate for their lack of knowledge or self-confidence.
Trying something makes the fear of “Trying” flies away. Usually we all have some fear regarding trying something new. This fear acts as a protection mechanism that prevents us from trying dangerous things, so don’t break through the first defense line not to leave your non-constant will-power take charge. Never break your first line of defense(fear of “Trying”). Trying cigarettes will make trying weed much easier and trying weed will make trying drugs much easier and so on.
Can’t Break the Habit?
Are you fed up of failing to break your bad habits?
Did you read the Ultimate Guide for breaking Habits But still didn’t manage to break your bad Habit?
did you succeed in breaking your bad habit for a few days or weeks then eventually returned back to it?
Lots of people keep fighting bad habits for prolonged periods without succeeding in breaking them. They sometimes manage to break the bad habit for few days, weeks or even months but in the end they return back to them again. The question is, why does this happen??
Its because those people never tackle the root of the problem behind their bad habit!!
Sam Can’t Break His Smoking Habit
Sam is a heavy smoker since more than 10 years. He tried many times to stop smoking and he even succeeded in breaking this habit for six months but he didn’t manage to continue to the end and he returned back to smoking.
Sam wasn’t a social person. whenever he had to sit with a group of people that he doesn’t know well he felt irritated and uncomfortable. when he finds himself that irritated he usually grabs out one of the cigarettes and starts smoking.
When understanding Sam’s mind you won’t wonder why he can’t quit smoking.
The root cause behind his smoking habit is feeling uneasy while being with strangers. Its his poor social skills that are responsible for his smoking habit.
Many people like Sam smoke when they feel uncomfortable, uneasy or irritated while believing that they suffer from nicotine addiction and that’s why they fail to quit smoking!
Sarah Can’t Break the Habit of Overeating
Sarah’s story is no different than Sam’s story. She has been struggling with the habit of over eating without being able to stop it. Sarah managed to break the habit for sometime but eventually returned back to it.
Sarah Had almost no friends so her main hobby was watching television and of course her favorite show wont be that amusing unless it’s accompanied by delicious food.
Although Sara adored food still this wasn’t the main reason behind overeating but the main reason was not finding someone to hang out with!!
Find the Root Cause for Your Unwanted Habit
Just as you saw in the previous stories things that might appear unrelated to your bad habit might in fact be the main reason behind it!! Whether it was feeling anxious while being with strangers like Sam or whether it was having no friends like Sarah this root cause is what you should seek in order to be able to quit your bad habit.
what is external dependency
External dependency describes the state of being dependent on an external object or a person in order to feel good or to escape from a bad mood.
Some people got used to face their problems directly while others learned how to run from them or even better use pain killers in order to forget about them. External dependency is the act of using an external pain killer in order to forget about a problem rather than deciding to face it.
examples of external dependency
The person who uses drugs to escape a bad mood, the one who drinks excessively when he faces a problem and those who can’t live while they are single are all considered people who suffer from external dependency.
Some people smoke in order to kill stress and not because they really like to smoke. Others may become addicted to a bad habit not because they like it that much but because it allows them to escape from their bad moods while a third group might go shopping whenever they feel bad just to help themselves feel better.
The big problem that external dependency results in is that it prevents the person from ever facing his real problems and thus they always remain unsolved. As a result of such behavior the problems keep accumulating and getting bigger until one day the person completely collapses under their effect.
external dependency and love addiction
Some people are externally dependent on love itself in such a way that they can’t live while being single, those people are called love addicts. Since falling in love results in the release of many chemicals that regulates the mood and that helps the person feel better (at least in the early stages) some people become love addicts in order to escape from their problems.
In my book How to get over anyone in few days i described how love addiction can be the main reason people fail to recover fast after a breakup. When the person becomes overly dependent on a relationship partner in order to escape from a bad mood then certainly breaking up with that partner becomes an impossible task.
One of the real dangerous consequences of love addiction is that it makes the person vulnerable to any attempts that tend to exploit his weakness. Love addicts are the fastest people to fall in love even when they don’t like the other person such much. Many people fall in love under the effect of love addiction in order to escape from their problems only to realize later that they never loved that person they got married to and that they were just escaping from their bad moods.
External dependency can certainly ruin your life on the long term even if it can help you feel good on the short term. If you do any of the previous actions then it’s time to be brave and to face your problems.
Facebook Addiction Disorder
Before I start talking about Facebook addiction disorder, I must first express my admiration to the 22 year-old genius who created facebook, Mark Zuckerberg. Mark and his crew managed to develop a website that has become a part of the daily life of almost everyone who is interested in social relations. As a consequence, their traffic ranking is now among the top 10 websites on the internet.
What I’ve noticed is that some people went up from the normal and sane use of facebook to become addicts. They delay their work and studies in order to remain online. They keep checking their accounts every few minutes and can hardly log out.
Terms such as internet addiction disorder, facebook addiction disorder and social networking sites addiction started to become popular because of the presence of people who overuse these sites.
If you are a Facebook addict or if you are addictive to any social networking website then you may want to read the following article because it will reveal to you facts that you weren’t aware of about yourself:
Social networking websites addiction
The following are the top causes for social networking websites addiction. Remember, I’m not talking about people who just use these websites normally because they like it but I am talking about people who got addicted to them.
Unfulfilled Social Needs and social networks addiction: Try not to eat or drink for 10 continuous hours then at the eleventh hour start to study or excise. Most probably you will find yourself unable to do anything unless you eat and drink. Do you know why? Because you’re in an extreme need of food and water. You have an unmet need for both food and water.
The same goes for social relations. Not being satisfied with your current social relations, being in an extreme need of a partner or being eager to expand your relations are examples of unmet social needs. You got addicted to social networking websites because of those unmet social needs. Remember that behind any overuse of something there is an unmet need. Unfulfilled social needs are also one of the main reasons that make people suffer after breakups, in my book How to get over anyone in few days i described how can problems in your social life become a key factor in preventing you from recovering after a breakup. This happens because you become dependent on the relationship to satisfy the needs that are not yet met.
- Social networks addiction and social approval: some people don’t know how to live without being approved or loved by others. They feel down whenever they are alone and they feel horrible when someone rejects them! This is an example of being externally dependent on someone or some people in order to survive. The real cause of this dependency is that you are not satisfied with your current mood or with your life and so you need other people to be around you to make you forget about your unsolved problems.
- Escapement and social networking addiction: one of the main reasons people consume drugs is that they want to escape from their problems. Because of believing that they won’t be able to face them they decided to escape using drugs. The same can be said about social networking websites. Some people prefer to hide in one of those websites in order to avoid facing real life challenges.
- Having nothing else to do: some people may think that this is not a problem, but actually this is a disaster!!! If you don’t have anything to do now other than browsing a social networking website then what were you doing before that website came into existence? Nothing? Then unfortunately you have no goals ,dreams or even a life purpose!!
Social networking websites addiction treatment
If any or all of the above criteria fits you then instead of escaping to a social networking website you should start to find the root cause for your problems. You must find out why some of your social needs are not fulfilled and then work on solving this problem. You also need to know why you are escaping and why you don’t have the courage to face your problems.
I am not asking you to stop using these websites. I’m just asking you to stop running away. Use these social networking websites as much as you want but take action and start solving the problems that lead you to such an addiction.
Why are some people addicted to news
Why would someone become addicted to news?
Just like the food we eat can change our brain chemicals our thoughts can change them as well.
The way some people process news can result in instant mood changes that forces them to become addicted to it. Here is a very simple example, lets suppose a man sold his dollars and bought euros instead. In such a case any news about weakness in the US economy will make that man feel better since he will know that his money is increasing.
In real life the relationship between the news a person consumes and his mood is usually more complex that it sometimes can’t be noticed on the conscious level.
What if a person likes to feel superior to others and couldn’t find a good way to do it?
In such a case this man might become interested in reading about accidents without being consciously aware of the reason.
whenever that man reads about an accident his subconscious mind will compare his life to the life of the person who has been through the accident and as a result it will make him feel superior.
Of course the man won’t be aware of any of the things taking place in his mind. In fact his subconscious mind might even make him feel sorry for the people he reads about in order not to blow its cover.
How the different needs lead to different types of addiction
In my book The ultimate guide to breaking bad habits i said that each person has different psychological needs that he wants to satisfy. Some people want to feel good about themselves, some people want attention while others might want to feel superior to others.
Based on his different needs each person gets attracted to certain types of news that feeds these needs. For example, The need to be right or the desire to prove others wrong can be one of the main reasons some people get addicted to news.
If a person went through a tough debate with his friends and if he left the debate feeling emotionally charged then he will be eager to prove himself right. In such a case this guy might become addicted to news hoping that he will find what might prove him right.
Each and everything that you do in life tells a lot about your psychological makeup and unmet needs. By taking a quick look at your behaviour and habits you can get to understand yourself more.